suspectclass (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
suspectclass) wrote2005-01-18 10:59 am
suspectclass) wrote2005-01-18 10:59 am
(no subject)
Sweet! Free two weeks of livejournal!
Also, I'm wearing a new-to-me sweater and a legitimately new shirt and only mildly scolding myself for enjoying new things so much. As soon as my evil high-test coffee brews, I'm off to enjoy having a car way too much.
I'm in that interesting place where I'm still not so big on the thought of anyone but the engineer, but I'm feeling relief to be done with trying to fix something that just couldn't be. It's like I suddenly have all this new head space, and granted, I'm using it to think about my room arrangement and what to do with the windows, but for so long I didn't have the energy for such things. It's quite nice. I'll be glad when I'm done with the unexpected flashes of irrational anger and waves of regret, but so far so good. Maybe it's weird, but I've come to think of break ups as like surgical procedures or having a bone set. Horribly painful and gross and it may really throw you, but (hopefully) it's for the best and if you can just get past the part where it sucks beyond belief, in the end you'll be stronger, or at least wiser for it. I never really believed the whole "what does not kill me" thing, and I still think that sometimes you can grow just fine without pain, but I do think that I'm stronger than I was a year ago, and while I'd rather not have had to deal with breaking up with Holly and the enginee, I think I'm better for it in some ways.
Also, I'm wearing a new-to-me sweater and a legitimately new shirt and only mildly scolding myself for enjoying new things so much. As soon as my evil high-test coffee brews, I'm off to enjoy having a car way too much.
I'm in that interesting place where I'm still not so big on the thought of anyone but the engineer, but I'm feeling relief to be done with trying to fix something that just couldn't be. It's like I suddenly have all this new head space, and granted, I'm using it to think about my room arrangement and what to do with the windows, but for so long I didn't have the energy for such things. It's quite nice. I'll be glad when I'm done with the unexpected flashes of irrational anger and waves of regret, but so far so good. Maybe it's weird, but I've come to think of break ups as like surgical procedures or having a bone set. Horribly painful and gross and it may really throw you, but (hopefully) it's for the best and if you can just get past the part where it sucks beyond belief, in the end you'll be stronger, or at least wiser for it. I never really believed the whole "what does not kill me" thing, and I still think that sometimes you can grow just fine without pain, but I do think that I'm stronger than I was a year ago, and while I'd rather not have had to deal with breaking up with Holly and the enginee, I think I'm better for it in some ways.