suspectclass (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
suspectclass) wrote2005-01-18 05:10 pm
suspectclass) wrote2005-01-18 05:10 pm
I'm Mr. Brightside
Bitterness = bleaching hair. I don't know what color will happen next, but clearly whenever my life is crazy my scalp must suffer.
I've decided she did me a favor. Now I don't have to wonder how long it will take, and she's hurt and betrayed me enough that I won't look back. I could say I wasted my time, especially towards the end, but outside of the last 48 hours, which were pure suck, there was good up until the end. I did care about her a lot and I know she cared about me. I may have stayed too long and for the wrong reasons, but even then I was trying. I think we both were. At least now I know I did everything I could. I may have trouble believing that she did, but so be it. It's over and that's a good thing, even though it sucks. I can't say seeing her around won't suck and that house council won't be even worse than before, but it's hard to maintain a good solid anger at her. Although I may have done something similar to what she's done when Holly and I broke up, the similarities end there and I know that. I did not have a life with the engineer, and we couldn't have had one. I was looking for someone who wouldn't ask of me the things that Holly did, and I got her. I wasn't even really looking for a relationship. I got one anyway, and though things were hard for a good deal of it, there was a lot of good. The bottom line to take out of both is that if I'm hurting a lot over other things, that will affect any relationship I try to get into. We had a lot of fun, and even though I wasn't looking for it, we had love too. It wasn't the kind I ended up wanting and needing, but I had her for eight months and I'm glad I did. I may not feel that way in an hour, but I believe that when the dust settles I'll feel that way overall.
And there's no way this Valentine's Day can suck as much as last year's.
I've decided she did me a favor. Now I don't have to wonder how long it will take, and she's hurt and betrayed me enough that I won't look back. I could say I wasted my time, especially towards the end, but outside of the last 48 hours, which were pure suck, there was good up until the end. I did care about her a lot and I know she cared about me. I may have stayed too long and for the wrong reasons, but even then I was trying. I think we both were. At least now I know I did everything I could. I may have trouble believing that she did, but so be it. It's over and that's a good thing, even though it sucks. I can't say seeing her around won't suck and that house council won't be even worse than before, but it's hard to maintain a good solid anger at her. Although I may have done something similar to what she's done when Holly and I broke up, the similarities end there and I know that. I did not have a life with the engineer, and we couldn't have had one. I was looking for someone who wouldn't ask of me the things that Holly did, and I got her. I wasn't even really looking for a relationship. I got one anyway, and though things were hard for a good deal of it, there was a lot of good. The bottom line to take out of both is that if I'm hurting a lot over other things, that will affect any relationship I try to get into. We had a lot of fun, and even though I wasn't looking for it, we had love too. It wasn't the kind I ended up wanting and needing, but I had her for eight months and I'm glad I did. I may not feel that way in an hour, but I believe that when the dust settles I'll feel that way overall.
And there's no way this Valentine's Day can suck as much as last year's.