Will work for hipster clothes

In an effort to make myself feel better about my life, and less like post-graduation I'll be hurled into a swirling void, I'm looking up job postings online. If I convince myself that I can get a decent job after graduation, maybe I can go back to imagining that I have some control over my life.

Current "Research Assitant" positions listed on Monster.com include:

Lab Assistant at Manpower in Salt Lake City Utah.
I laugh, but the position pays $14.85-$16/hour. Why, oh why, did I not go into the "hard" sciences? "Do what you love" my ass. I love paying off my loans!

There's also an Assistant Product Metallurgist position open in Toronto Ohio. I know it's a real job, but it still makes me giggle. I could apparently work as a quality assurance manager.

On a more serious note, I think I found my dream job. If only they'd hold it for me.
( I know nothing about the company, but the description sounds great )

Maybe I should look at university websites. I bet there's stuff listed there that isn't on Monster. Yeah. That's the ticket.