In Soviet Russia, away messages write you!

Take ten of your instant messenger "away" messages and explain them -- where you got the quote, why you picked it, what the inside joke is all about. If your client supports "here" messages, pick five of each.

Note: All IM names have been changed to lj names to protect the guilty.

Tycho Brahe died when his bladder exploded. That's what happens when you hold it too long, kids.

This one is actually semi-retired. I've kept it through many a computer change, but it's not currently on my list. It's one of my more favorite pieces of wacky historical trivia though, and it often gets a response, which is the reason for away messages in the first place, right? Tycho Brahe was a Dutch astronomer in the 16th century. Back then, when dining, it was considered rude to leave the table before one's host. His host, Peter Vok Ursinus Rozmberk apparently had some stamina, because Tycho drank too much, but couldn't bare to be rude and get up while Rozmberk was still seated. He actually got to the point of not being able to urinate and died slowly, poisoned when his bladder burst.

Upon checking my sources, it seems possible that there's another explanation. Check it out here. Apparently he died of mercury poisoning. I guess this away message will have to be retired entirely.

Go here or here for more information on Tycho Brahe's life and works.

masscooper: in soviet russia, you are assigned shower.
rustybluebike: in soviet russia, you wait in line to get dirty
masscooper: in soviet russia, you shower communally

This is from an ongoing joke of Rachel's and mine. She's a ruthless capitalist libertarian. I'm a wacky pinko. Hilarity ensues when we mock each other's core beliefs and approaches to economics. This is a play on the joke from Family Guy when Peter buys a suspicious talking car "In Soviet Russia, car drives you!" Being geeks with overly derivitive senses of humor, we play on it a lot. Plus, what's not funny about bread lines? Especially when they are recreated in your dining hall. This is my showering away message. Duh.

masscooper: hot girl on girl action!
jabberwocki: a coalition of the willing

A play on Lie Girls, a republican sex line parody site. Hilarious! It's my makin' out away message. Yeah. That's a little transparent.

Worked up so textual

A play on the The Faint song, "Worked Up So Sexual." shipbuilding's favorite, this one is for when I'm doing schoolwork. Or pretending to.

Some had crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some had crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart

I have a lot of unironically angsty away messages currently saved. This is one of them. It's from one of my favorite Decemberists songs, "Red Right Ankle." The part before it goes: "This is a song about the boys who loved you/Who love you now and loved you then./Some were sweet and some were cold and snuffed you/and some just laid around in bed." It's what I put up a lot when I was still feeling really hurt by the engineer, but unlike the other away messages in this vein, I'm not totally sick of it, because it's a damn good song. It was up when I was just generally away for the day, doing various things. Less of an activity-based away message, more mood-based. And besides getting comments, what are away messages for if not passively conveying your mood to anyone who knows your AIM name?

This is my angsty away message.

[Leonard Cohen/Bright Eyes/Weakerthans quote] [bitter and vague while disturbingly detailed reference] [emoticon] [nihilistic observation on the nature of things]

This is my ironic angsty away message. Because I get sick of myself and I am all about the self-parody. I developed this one, along with several others, in fits of procrastination during finals of last semester. All of them were tragically lost because I was on the engineer's old computer and while AIM saves your buddy list, apparently it doesn't care about carefully constructed away messages.

Roll another number for the road
You're the only sober person I know
Won't you let me make you a deal,
Just get behind the wheel

This is from Wilco's "Passenger Side," off of A.M.. One of my favorites. I put it up when I'm in my car. I'm not actually drunk at the time, that's all Jeff Tweedy. One of my favorite lines from the song is "You're gonna make me spill my beer, if you don't learn how to steer." Hey Jeff! Ever heard of open container laws?

When I first met Doreen she was barely Seventeen
She was drinkin whiskey sours in a bar
Well the way she tossed em back I would have had a heart attack
But as it is I let her drive my car.

Ok, again. Drinking and driving is bad, and I don't do it, but apparently I like songs that involve references to it. This one, "Doreen" by the Old 97's (off of Hitchhike to Rhome) also involves sex in a parked car with an underaged girl (though maybe the age of consent in NY is 17?) and I don't do that either. That said, this is also an old one, but I'm reviving it because it's a great song and when I think of it I get it stuck in my head which is way better than what usually gets stuck in there which is some random song, only one line of which I actually know. It inevitably has more staying power than anything I'd actually want to be the soundtrack to my day. This is my drinking & hoping for debauchery away message. (No 17 year old girls are ever harmed in the use of this away message).

I love this bar
It's my kind of place
Just walkin' through the front door
Puts a big smile on my face

This is another drinking away message, but it's specific to going out the the Watering Hole or WWII club. I'm picky like that. I love the neighborhood bar, and no other place really qualifies for such a laudatory away message. It's from a Toby Keith song. It's a good song.

Mo hos, mo problems.

You're liable to see this message Monday and Wednesday afternoons when I have class at Mount Holyoke, a nearby women's college that does course registration exchange with Smith and three other schools. Smith is in Noho. Mount Holyoke is called Moho, and Mount Holyoke students are called Mohos. Add in a witty(ish) pop culture reference, et viola! Instant away message.

una_sorella: ICH MOCHTE LICK YOUR FACE

Lauren's learning German. She apparently doesn't know how to say "lick," "your," or "face" in German. That or she really likes Denglish. Apparently she also likes caps lock and face licking. Despite these common interests, we haven't hung out much lately. When we do, however, this one goes up. Or when I'm in a general face-licking kind of mood. You never really know.

St. Patrick's day

May God turn the hearts of your enemies, and if he cannot turn thier hearts, may he turn their ankles so you will know them by their limping.

One of my favorite toasts, by far. It went over well in St. Petersburg, but that may have been in part because of all the people who toasted before me. I was certainly drunk by that point, which is why I began with the more commonly known one "May the road rise up to meet you/May the wind be always at your back/May the sun shine warm upon your face;/the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,/May God hold you in the palm of His hand" and somewhere in the middle switched over.

I'm wearing the green today, keepin it real with Big Bird.

I got an email from the consultant yesterday, just to say I'm cool. There has also been much talking, both on serious topics, and topics that lead to long pauses punctuated by giggling.

I picked up Darcy's fiancee's friend from the airport. Much chatting about the socioeconomics and politics of western MA, and astrological signs. I don't know, but it was awesome.

I have eaten so many Tiramisu and Raspberry cordials from Sweetie's. Oh man. Britta and I are going to Top 'N Ho, which is good, because I am hungry and I don't need a major sugar rush right now. I have, however, gotten about 20,000% of my daily value of chocolate. Sweet.

In re-reading old livejournal entries, I rediscovered the phrase "take a swim in lake you" thanks to raybear. Thanks, raybear. I took a swim in lake me today. Really it was more like a swim in lake procrastination disguised as me-time. But I feel refreshed nonetheless.

I'm also rediscovering Weezer and my country smartplaylist. Well, the country playlist is new, but more to the point I'm avoiding the emo overload for the time being.

I know it's in the early stages, and I'm all about the taking it slow (for once) and getting to know each other. That said, I'm really optimistic about the consultant. The fact that she's from Chicago and Catholic gives us a lot in common in terms of background. It's true, we're from totally different parts of the city, but it definitely makes less of a difference when you're surrounded by Massholes. Also, our accents come out to play when we talk to each other, which is just generally entertaining. Beyond background, she's open to religion and faith, specifically Catholicism. This is something I've been looking for in another person for a while, but didn't expect to find, at least not while at Smith. Talking to someone who isn't just willing to listen, but is actively engaged with similar questions and issues within a similar institutional and faith context is really wonderful and it's a new idea that this could be the same person I'm dating. This is a part of my life I've never really been able to share with someone in a relationship, and again, I don't know what will happen here, but I'm really excited about the prospect of trying that out and having that experience.

This all sounds so dry! I'm really excited about her and I have so much fun with her, and in addition to being attracted to each other, we can talk about so much and do anything together and enjoy it. Those things are all really refreshing, exciting and give me hope for what could come.

I need to cut my nails. For serious. My nail-clippers are at Parsons and I am separated from them for the week.

I need to work on my paper. I got four and a half pages this afternoon, and that's all well and good, but it's a bit short of what I need. I'm feeling better about it, but note that I haven't worked on it in several hours. Bad Sarah!

My 80s night plans were cancelled, then revived with a new cast like a bad sitcom. But this is so bad it's good. Or something. The perks of being over 21: No cover in hopes I'll buy their overpriced drinks! Won't their faces be red! I don't need alcohol to have a good time! Just argilefetish.