Dear Smith,

We're off again.

Love, 990******

Dear Connie,

Thanks for talking to me. Sometimes I'm not angsty, but you don't avoid me when I am. That's neat.

Love, Sarah

Dear homosexuality,

Where is the glamour and debauchery? All I'm getting is the societal disapproval, invisibility and selling out. Bitches. Where are the bitches?

Love, mo. ho-mo.

Dear digestive system,

I hate you. You hate me. Can't we work somehting out where you work at least half the time?

Love, hungry
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