(no subject)

Just dropped Holly at the airport. Coming back to the house without her was so sad, because she and her stuff have been in my room all week. Her suitcase isn't blocking my door, she's not taking up half the bed, her coat isn't on my door and her bathrobe isn't on my floor. I'm not waiting for her to get out of the bathroom, and she isn't reading to kill time til I'm done on the computer. Since last Friday she's been with me all day every day (minus class and work). In a month and a half, I'll come home to her every night. Every time she comes to visit or I go out there, it feels more normal, and every time one of us leaves I miss her more. I realize that I love her more with each passing month--not because she becomes more perfect, but exactly the opposite. The more we realize how different and individual we are, the more we in turn find more ways to come together, to merge our lives, to let it all fit. The longer we're together, the more our future stretches out in front of us. I didn't think I could be any more convinced than I was in September that she is for me, but I become more certain all the time, on levels I didn't even know existed. I feel that not only is our relationship deepening, but perhaps I am deepening as well. Or at least, she is showing me parts of myself I haven't allowed myself to examine in a very long time. There are many things in my life that are difficult right now, and there are not many people I trust or want to see me through it. I know now, however, that when things are hard, that's when you learn what's really important and who will really not only stand by me, but become even more vital and worthy of my trust and love. This has been a hard week, it's been a hard month, and Holly and I have felt the strain, and it has affected how well we get along. From that, however, we have learned so much about how to work through stress, to identify the real problem and move on.

I can't wait to start the next phase of our life together. I keep reminding myself: "In May, I'm moving in with Holly." "My girlfriend and I are going to live together." "In two months time, we'll have our own apartment." It still makes me giddy, and it makes the next few weeks til I see her again much more bearable.