![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Turns out my post from last night didn't say what I meant. Here's take two.
When Holly and I started talking again, it was through the jolt-I think I asked her about lung cancer prognoses, or something along those lines. I know she got a lot of flak for talking to me again, as things last spring didn't end so well. I had missed her every day, and as much as talking to her seems now to have been the only good option, it was really hard for both of us. My visit out there in September simplified things in some respects, but also greatly complicated things. I realized that I couldn't walk away, and since she was still in a relationship, I made it clear that I would wait, if need be. Turned out I did have to, at least for a little while. I know it was a very hard decision for her, not only deciding if I was worth the risk of possibly getting really hurt again, but also trying to make that decision while giving some amount of respect to her boyfriend. I, on the other hand, was terrified that after letting my guard *way* down and laying it all out for her to see (at least figuratively), I had to face the possibility that because she was still dating someone, and no one knew about me, it would be (it seemed) very easy for her to just walk away from me and not give me another chance. I had been involved with someone who was in another relationship before, and I knew how easy it would be to tell me she was going to choose me and then not do it.
It turns out, however, that we did choose each other. The part about the story that I really love is that she chose me not because it was easy for her, or convenient, or simple, but because she loved me and needed me in her life. I think that's a big part of why I trust her so much more than I can trust anyone right now-knowing that in the end, I was worth the risk.
When Holly and I started talking again, it was through the jolt-I think I asked her about lung cancer prognoses, or something along those lines. I know she got a lot of flak for talking to me again, as things last spring didn't end so well. I had missed her every day, and as much as talking to her seems now to have been the only good option, it was really hard for both of us. My visit out there in September simplified things in some respects, but also greatly complicated things. I realized that I couldn't walk away, and since she was still in a relationship, I made it clear that I would wait, if need be. Turned out I did have to, at least for a little while. I know it was a very hard decision for her, not only deciding if I was worth the risk of possibly getting really hurt again, but also trying to make that decision while giving some amount of respect to her boyfriend. I, on the other hand, was terrified that after letting my guard *way* down and laying it all out for her to see (at least figuratively), I had to face the possibility that because she was still dating someone, and no one knew about me, it would be (it seemed) very easy for her to just walk away from me and not give me another chance. I had been involved with someone who was in another relationship before, and I knew how easy it would be to tell me she was going to choose me and then not do it.
It turns out, however, that we did choose each other. The part about the story that I really love is that she chose me not because it was easy for her, or convenient, or simple, but because she loved me and needed me in her life. I think that's a big part of why I trust her so much more than I can trust anyone right now-knowing that in the end, I was worth the risk.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
From:
no subject
I do love you, and I do need you in my life.
(On top of being knocked stupid every time I see you get off a plane)